So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
