So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
