Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
