I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
