saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
