I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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