Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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