I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
