ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
