I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
