Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
