I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
