Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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