This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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