Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
