wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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