Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
