it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
