Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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