Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
