i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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