i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just pee around me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
