it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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