Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
