You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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