DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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