i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
