New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
