I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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