I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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