you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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