Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
