your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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