I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
