I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
