i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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