so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
