they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
