I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
