Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
