Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
