remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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