My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
