If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
