My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
