You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
