My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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