Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We just shotgunned beers for America
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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