Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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