did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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