I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
