Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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