ya dads aren't the best wingmen
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
