Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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